Response to TFM's "Stop Crying Rape"

Recently Catie Warren, a correspondent for the website Total Frat Move, wrote an article titled “Stop Crying Rape.”  In this article, Warren describes college-aged girls who go out, drink excessively, and subsequently sleep with their male peers, only to claim they have been raped when they wake up the next day regretting their actions.  Warren believes that this practice creates a mockery of actual sexual assault victims.  While I agree with her that a remorseful sexual encounter is not rape, I do believe there are a few points which should be discussed regarding this article.

In Catie Warren’s article, there is an overgeneralization of exactly what rape is.  She writes as though the only victims of rape are college-aged women who have had too much to drink and fall into bed with someone.  Sexual assault is very prominent on college campuses, but it happens in many different situations as well.  Women can be victims; men can be victims.  The attacker and the victim may be of the same sex.  It can occur drunk or sober.  The attacker may be a stranger, or it may be someone you have known your entire life.  Even when it occurs on college campuses, only 5% of students who have been sexually assaulted will report the case.  So why should we try to discourage others from doing so?

There is a lack of knowledge about consent, making it more difficult to know exactly what is and is not considered rape.  Consent is an agreement between two people who voluntarily and willingly want to have sex with each other.  Consent is discussed before sexual activity has commenced and is consistently revisited regarding different sexual acts.  Consent is not implied or assumed, even if you are in a long-term relationship or have had sex with that person before.

Catie Warren’s article gives several examples of victim shaming (making a victim feel responsible or ashamed of his or her own victimization), a huge problem which attributes to today’s rape culture.  Rape culture is an environment where sexual violence is excused in reality as well as in media and pop culture.  Some examples of rape culture include blaming the victim, sexually explicit jokes, gender violence in movies and television, sexually fueled song lyrics, and refusing to take rape accusations seriously.  Some ways we can avoid rape culture are to avoid using language that is degrading to women, to speak out when someone makes an offensive joke, define your own manhood or womanhood without letting stereotypes shape it, and communicating with sexual partners about consent.

Yes, Catie Warren was right to stress the fact that sex which you agreed to, though you may regret, is in not considered rape.  But this article is missing several key points which I felt should be emphasized.  Rape is not just something that happens to girls at parties.  It can happen to anyone in almost any situation.  Consensual sex occurs when two people have previously discussed that they want to have sex with each other.  Therein lies an issue that needs to be discussed. How do we empower young women and men to have that clarifying conversation?  Talking about and defining consent is the beginning and needs to be the norm.  As a society we have to stop tolerating “rape” as a casual term.  For example, “our football team raped in intramurals” or “I raped that calculus exam.”  It is a powerful word with an emotional connotation and should not be used so innocuously it seems like an attempt to make an action of the word.  We must band together to abolish a culture where it is okay to excuse or joke about rape.

Originally written for the Georgia College Women's Center.

Treat Yo Self Day: Thrifty Finds in Athens, GA

If you watch "Parks and Recreation" you know Treat Yo Self Day is a day in which you can treat yourself to absolutely whatever your heart desires.  There is no need to justify any actions taken on Treat Yo Self Day.  A couple of weeks ago, I was on fall break and going to be home alone all day, conditions were perfect for doing whatever I wanted.  I decided to spend the day downtown visiting a few of my favorite shops.

 

I started in Minx, a store best described as a "Blast from the Past."  Always filled with treasures, I find this a pleasant place to shop because of their organization and awesome deals (I've bought Lilly Pulitzer skirts here for $30 before).  Today I honed right in on their three large wooden crates filled with 60's Harlequin novels.  I chose to read an excerpt from The Emerald Cuckoo and quickly decided it must come home with me.  I'm already fully engulfed in Tracy and Lester's forbidden love affair.

                         

From here I went to Agora Vintage.  This was my first time in the store, recently opened by Agora's Airee Edwards, and it did not disappoint.  You walk in to find a wall of beautiful jewelry on one side of you and a wall of gorgeous purses on the other.  Walking in further, you will find racks of clothes in wonderful condition.  This store, filled with brands such as Gucci, Chanel, and Louis Vuitton, is a great addition to downtown Athens.  Seriously, if you've got some money burning a whole in your pocket, you should at least go see the beautiful tan Hermes Birkin bag they are currently housing.

Community is really like no store I've ever been in.  As their name suggests, they have a focus on local artists and craftsmen.  This is wonderful to have in a town, like Athens, that is filled with so much talent.  As well as jewelry, paper goods, art, and chocolates, all made locally, Community sells vintage and pre worn clothing, including their own line of clothing created in store.  They also offer sewing classes and alterations, making this the ultimate one stop shop for handmade goods.

Speaking of one stop shops, Junkman's Daughter's Brother is a mecca of gifts, home goods, costumes, and really just about anything.  The sister location of Junkman's Brother in Atlanta brings a taste of Little Five Points right into downtown Athens.  Junkman's has been around as long as I can remember and was one of my favorite places downtown to visit as a kid, though I know my mom cringed at my presence among some of their goods.  (She later took me on my 18th birthday so I could finally enter the infamous "Adults Only" section.)

Every time I walk into Dynamite I find something I need.  Not only is this a great place to find both men and women's vintage clothes and accessories.  It is one of the only places in Athens which carries American Apparel.  I often find myself shopping here for costume pieces, as well as great thrifty finds.

For lunch, I stopped at one of my favorite eateries for what has to be one of the least nutritious meals I have eaten recently.  Trappeze has the greatest pub atmosphere complete with a three page menu of draught beers.  Today I enjoyed a cheese plate with red dragon cheese and a side of fries with their divine garlic aoli dressing.  Remember, its Treat Yo Self Day and cheese and french fries are the nutritious equivalent of a dressingless Kale salad.  To drink, I had Red Hare Forbidden Fruit.  Because Trappeze has such a selection I like to try new things while I'm there.  I now know Red Hare is brewed in Georgia and they make awesome beers.  This is one of their seasonal brews and I predict I will spend the rest of the season finding somewhere that carries it.

After lunch, I went over to Hendershot's to get some work done.  This was my first time in their new location in Bottleworks and I really loved it.  They now have much more space and a full bar.  I hope to get their for a show sometime soon.  Wishing them luck in their new home!

Treat Yo Self Day ended with the grand finale that was Jimmy Fallon's Clean Cut Comedy Tour.  Stay tuned for more on this laugh filled night.

60's Harlequin Novel//Minx

Vintage Matchbooks and Double Dutch Tea Towel//Community

Mickey and Minnie Denim Shirt//Dynamite

Butch Walker at the 40 Watt 9/7/13

Last month, I found myself back in the 40 Watt, a venue I don't think I'd been in since high school.  The 40 Watt was originally opened in 1978 by Curtis Crowe who often joked the club was lit by a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.  Since, the space has become a staple for Athens bands as well as more well known acts.  In high school, I saw The Whigs, The Modern Skirts, Fun., Band of Skulls, and Motion City Soundtrack play here, just to name a few.  Needless to say, I was very excited to be back there to add Butch Walker to this roster of acts.

Butch opened the show, just him and a keyboard, playing "Joan" and a couple of his heavier songs.  I was taken aback by this, that is sad material to start the night with.  But I quickly saw what he was doing.  By the time his band joined him on stage for "Mixtape," he had the whole crowd in the palm of his hand.  It stayed this way all night, people daring themselves to look away long enough to go to the bar. Granted, half of the crowd was before the social networking generation, but I felt like there was a minimal amount of cell phone use that night.  He played a wonderful high energy "Synthesizers" with pieces of "Come on Eileen" through out.  He covered bits of other songs including "Teenage Wasteland" and "The Ocean," joking that his younger band had never heard them before.  At the end of the night, he came into the crowd.  Everyone gathered around him waiting to see what he would do next.  The show ended with an amazing energy, everyone in the room experiencing a major endorphin release.  All-in-all it was an amazing show.  Now that I've seen Butch Walker once, I can't wait to see him perform again.  There's something about a group of people belting out songs like "Mixtape" and "She Likes Hair Bands" that warms my heart.  It is something everyone must experiences.

You can view the 40 Watt's full calendar here.

You can follow Butch Walker at Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Birthday Weekend

My twenty-second birthday was about a month ago and it turned out to be a wonderful long weekend of celebration.  It started Friday at the Buckhead Pub Crawl.  This particular pub crawl was in anticipation of the SEC/ACC football kick-off weekend.  We paid $15 for access to seven bars and a mixed drink at each.  I had never been out in Buckhead before and this was an awesome way to get a taste of most the bars in the area.

The next day I arrived back in Athens for lunch at one of my favorite spots, Last Resort.  I had crab cakes with a side salad drenched in their divine vidalia bacon dressing.  Of course, a trip downtown would not be complete without a stop at King of Pops.  Today I choose to with a new choice and had the coconut lemongrass, which did not disappoint.

We had people over to watch the first University of Georgia game of the season.  We may have just been tailgating at home, but we had a spread fit for kings: pimento cheese and curry chicken salad from Marti's at Midday, a Chick-Fil-A nugget tray, pizza dip, Mom's corn and pea salsa, and a heavenly red velvet cake.

One of my favorite gifts from my parents was my Mary Blair inspired Lesportsac weekender.  I have always loved Mary Blair's whimsical art and illustrations and this bag is the perfect tribute to her work.

We had a delicious seafood lunch at Marker 7.  If you haven't been yet, you must go.  You will feel as though you have been transported to the seaside by their Beach Boys heavy soundtrack and brightly colored decor.  The evening's activities included going to the new movie theatre to see "The Spectacular Now."  The movie was recently filmed in Athens, so we were very excited to see our home on the silver screen.  The movie was incredible.  I don't remember the last time one film caused me to feel so many different emotions.  People who have seen James Pondsolt's film, "Smashed," are familiar with his beautiful use of raw emotion, seen many times throughout "The Spectacular Now."  As a lover of young adult literature, I am now hoping to read Tim Tharp's novel which the movie is based on.

After the movie, we went downtown to Five Bar for dinner.  We started our meal with their delicious baked avocado, topped with baby shrimp and tempura flakes.  For my entree, I had the stuffed shrimp.  These shrimp come stuffed with crabmeat and wrapped in bacon.  They are served with a fresh greens salad topped with fruit, goat cheese and basalmic vinaigrette and their ever-changing risotto, tonight's being parmesan and eggplant.  Five is currently running a special on Sundays and serving their burger for $5.  This burger is topped with a mayo-based spread of tomatoes, onions, and bacon and served with french fries and their very own Five Sauce, a sort of wasabi honey mustard that I could happily eat on everything.

We came home to one of my favorite cakes in the world--Cecilia Villaveces' key lime cake.  My family has been ordering cakes from her bakery for years and they never disappoint.

Monday began leisurely by enjoying the "Arrested Development" marathon on IFC and a late sushi lunch at Sakura.  After lunch, we were craving something sweet so we went downtown to Always Baked.  Their homemade cookies come in a variety of Georgia themed flavors like Gregg Almond and, my personal favorite, the On My Mind.  Today we had ice cream sandwiches, two on my minds surrounding two scoops of cinnamon ice cream .  This is seriously the perfect sweet treat.

Upon the return to school, we began a celebration the Milledgeville way--with margaritas at El Tequila. I woke up on Tuesday (my actual birthday) to find a package from a package which contained what has quickly become my favorite item to wear around the house--Freudian Slippers!  They are the perfect mate to my "Freudian Sips" mug and I can't get over how thin my legs look in them.  If only I was the type of person who wears slippers outside of the house.

Celebration on Tuesday continued in usual Milledgeville fashion, with brunch at the Local Yolkal, dinner at Amici and karaoke at Buffington's.  Taylor Swift karaoke on your 22nd birthday may be one of the biggest cliches ever, but if just felt right.  My little sister even got to come and play for the night!

I don't know about you, but I actually am 22

Sprinkles Cupcakes and Ice Cream

One reason we were excited to travel to California was to be reunited with one of our all time favorite sweet treats, Sprinkles cupcakes.  Candance Nelson opened the first Sprinkles on Santa Monica Boulevard after having visited Magnolia Bakery on a trip to New York. Since their opening in 2005, Sprinkles has opened twelve locations nationwide, they have a Sprinklesmobile designed by "Pimp My Ride's" West Coast Customs, a line of mixes sold at Williams-Sonoma, an iPhone app, a cupcake ATM, and most recently two shops selling Sprinkles own ice cream counterpart.  Sprinkles' list of ever changing flavors is highly drool inducing, but we each have our favorites we keep coming back to (Dad/Lemon, Mom/Coconut, Morgan/Cinnamon Sugar, and me/Black and White).  Luckily we were able to try several flavors, my new favorites being Pumpkin and Triple Cinnamon.  We were also able to try Sprinkles Ice Cream for the first time and it was equally as delicious.  The decided favorite was the Sprinkles Sundae, a scoop of ice cream sandwiched between two cupcake halves.  Have no fear, Georgia friends, Sprinkles will soon be opening a location (with cupcakes and ice cream) in Lenox Square Mall.

Cupcake ATM

Sprinkles Sundae

Red Velvet Waffle Cone of Butter Pecan

Special cupcakes for the birth of the Royal Baby!

Attending a Taping of Chelsea Lately

While in California, my family attended a taping of "Chelsea Lately."  Having never been in any sort of studio audience, I scoured the internet for recounts of similar experiences to see what we had in store.  Now that it is all said and done, I thought I would share my own experience.

In line for the taping

We arrived at Universal Studios around thirty minutes before the time listed on our ticket.  We were immediately put into a line where we were to wait to go onto the lot.  People with priority tickets were taken in first and we waited about thirty to forty more minutes before going in.  Upon entering the lot, you are lead to the studio where you go through security before entering.  At this point, if you have a book to be signed by Chelsea the security guards will collect them to be returned to you after the show. Many signs around the studio state that there are no phones allowed inside, but they will let you keep them as long as they stay turned off.  After going through security, you are given the opportunity to use the restroom and then find a seat in the studio.

A quick photo of the set I snapped after the taping

Once everyone is seated the self-described "Chelsea Lately Fluffer" comes out to tell a few jokes and go over how the audience should applaud at different points in the show.  During this time they throw Chuy Balls into the audience as a sort-of incentive for audience participation.  We quickly ended up with a full "set."

They show a blooper reel and video of funny clips from the show to get everyone in the mood, and then quickly move into the show.  They introduce the round table guests, Chuy, and then Chelsea, who immediately begins her opening monologue.  Tonight her monologue featured her dog Chunk, one of the most adorable dogs I've ever seen.

From @chelseahandler's Instagram

From here they move onto the round table segment.  Today's round table comedians were John Caparulo, Sarah Colonna, and Ben Gleib, all of who were very entertaining.  This is all very similar to how the segment plays out on TV, they discuss a couple of news stories each giving their own colorful commentary.

From @johncaparulo's Instagram

After the round table segment there is a two minute break where the crew changes the set over for the interview part of the show.  Tonight's guest was the hilarious Jason Biggs.  It was a lot of fun to watch him and Chelsea banter back and forth.

From @chelseahandler's Instagram

After the interview, they record a short promo and then the closing of the show.  And as quickly as it began, it is over.  The whole process was a lot of fun and it was awesome getting to be a part of that.  If you are a fan of "Chelsea Lately," "After Lately," Chelsea's writing, or just looking for the studio audience experience this one was a lot of fun and very easy to get into.

Amoeba Music Hollywood

"And remember, if you ever get lonely just go to the record store and visit your friends."

It's not everyday you see so many great albums an movies together under one roof. This is why I'm so happy one of our many adventures yesterday was to Amoeba Music, the world's largest independent record store. Upon walking in you feel as though you have been transported to Empire Records. The store hosts many concerts and signings (David Lynch was there just a couple days ago) and buys and sells used CD's and movies, as well as new. I was ecstatic to find a copy of Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily for just three dollars. 

For more Amoeba visit any of their three California locations or check out Paul McCartney's EP Amoeba's Secret which was recorded at the Hollywood store in 2007.